


Simple life

by aries_taurus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s05e07 Ina Paha (If Perhaps), Gen, Introspection, Past military life, Prequel, References to Sex, Team as Family, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 11:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14163960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aries_taurus/pseuds/aries_taurus
Summary: Sometimes, he misses his military life.Sometimes, he thinks he was happier there, happier then.Steve, thinking about his life, the eve of his kidnapping by Wo Fat.





	Simple life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kristen999](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristen999/gifts), [Sealie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sealie/gifts), [bgharison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgharison/gifts), [MissSlothy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSlothy/gifts), [Narkito](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narkito/gifts).



> I would like to dedicate this piece to my Tumblr family, mainly bgharison, sealie-seohl, missslothy, narkito and thekristen999.  
> The last few days have been rough for many, many reasons, and the kindness you have all shown me made a million tons of difference.
> 
> So, thank you, my friends.
> 
> I do not know how to put links to your Tumblrs my darlings, I apologize.
> 
> SO, the fic: 
> 
> I started writing this after 5.04 aired but before 5.07, so this is where it's set, and I've decided to set it the night before Steve gets taken by Wo Fat. It's in his POV, even if not explicitly stated.
> 
> Let me know what you think.

* * *

 

 

He sits on the beach, beer in his hand, eyes on the setting sun, as it sinks towards the ocean.

Sometimes, he misses his military life.

Sometimes, he thinks he was happier there, happier then.

It was simple.

There was only work, the job. His duty.

It was the only thing he had to focus on, the only thing occupying his mind. It wasn’t always easy, it was often messy and hard and at times he experienced a depth of anger at humanity he hasn’t known since, but it was… simple.

It was his whole life, who he was.

When he had time off, it was simpler too. There was nothing to think about because the mission was over and done with. All he had to do was drink (a hell of a lot), fuck (a lot too) and maybe call home (once in a while. Maybe).

He remembers laughing more, then.

He remembers hitting the rack with a sense of contentment that’s gone, now. He remembers more nightmares too, reliving the horrors one can see only in war.

He had more friends, then. But they were… different; comrades in arms, not true friends with maybe Freddie as a notable exception But the others? An extension of the job somehow.

He chuffs a laugh.

It’s the same now.

Only it isn’t.

These friends he has now are all over his life, like there are no boundaries anywhere, nowhere where the job stops and he begins. It’s like mold that grew in deep and got it everywhere and he uses that analogy in his head because there’s a part of it that makes him incredibly uncomfortable, makes him feel exposed and naked and vulnerable because he has nowhere to hide, nowhere where he’s alone and safe and the comparison is a ridiculous notion in so many ways it isn’t even funny.

It has nothing to do with them and everything to do with him and his fucked-up family and Wo Fat. _That’s_ the mold, the cancer. That’s the disease that’s infiltrated everything and everywhere. And yet he can’t bring himself to kill the bastard, no matter how much a good part of him wants to.

Steve’s not a murderer but he can be pretty damn cold blooded when he has to be and therein lies the crux of it; _has_. Not _wants_.

That, and the fact that he wants… no. _Needs_ ; answers.

He sighs and takes a sip of warm beer, curling his lip in disgust. He lets his eyes roam over the ocean as he pours out the bottle onto the sand.

His life was simpler then because no matter how close he was to his brothers in arms, when there wasn’t the job or alcohol or a woman (Cath) in his bed, he was alone.

He used to think that was okay, that that was the way things worked and he’d been fine with it and Catherine was part of that, all this being the reason he can’t call her his girlfriend. He’s never hidden anything from her but there’s a barrier he hasn’t crossed yet, a wall around him he hasn’t let down yet.

He’s working on it.

Danny’s the best friend he’s ever had. Period.  No doubt about it.

Danny’s wormed his way past all of his defences. Danny knows all his secrets. Danny’s seen him broken, beaten, in tears.

No one, _no one_ has seen him cry in 20 years, except for Danny. Cath’s seen him tear up, maybe shed a few tears but cry? Really cry? No one but Danny.

Danny knows things about him no one else does, things his sister doesn’t know, things his parents never knew.

He loves Danny. People might tease them about being married but they do, however, share _something._ Something that he can’t define. They’re not family, not by blood, but somehow, they’re more than brothers. They share everything. They know every sordid detail about each other’s lives: good, bad, dirty, dark, private, uncomfortable, laughable, sordid, wonderful… All of it.

He’s the only one that knows _exactly_ what happened when Danny killed Reyes. No one but him knows the scumbag was unarmed when Danny shot him.

No one knows about Catherine getting accidentally pregnant and having a miscarriage three years ago but Danny.

His life is more complicated now than it ever was. It is.

But he’s happy. Most of the time. What he wishes for most is peace; peace of mind and answers to his questions and to put an end to the whole Wo Fat and Doris mystery. That’s all he wants. It would bring him peace and maybe he can finally feel like he can put his father’s ghost to rest.

He can’t do anything about his regrets. He can’t change the past. He can’t turn back the clock and spend more time with his Dad, can’t give him one last hug.

The only thing he can do is put the man who ordered his murder behind bars or in the ground. Until then, he has his O’hana.

He smiles, hearing Danny bitching at him, coming down the lawn from the house. He can hear glass clinking, the promise of fresh, cold beer making his grin wider.

His life may not be as simple as it used to be, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

With his newfound family around him, he can face anything.

 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Happy Easter, and a peaceful Passover to my Jewish pals.


End file.
